Snakes can slither their way into your heart

Jennie Parsons, Staff Writer

Whether it’s clowns, phones, the roaring twenties, or lizards, everyone is scared of something. A very common fear is snakes. Which, I don’t really get. They’re cute, cuddly, and super nice for pest control! Just let ‘em roam around your house or apartment, and now your rodent (and little brother) problem is gone!
Snakes are probably the most feared animal in the world. The average person doesn’t know whether or not it’s going to bite and kill you, or eat you whole. That leads to a instinctual fear of the unknown. That instinct to pass down your genes to the next generation, whether you plan on it or not. It’s still there. We all want to preserve our bloodline.
“To be honest, snakes have never really bothered me. I used to catch them as a kid.” Said sophomore Maria Knutson, also known as Yosemite Sam.
“I don’t like snakes,” says freshman Tayler Thayer. If people were more educated about which snakes were harmful or not, would these people still be scared? I’m not sure, but I really want to find out.
When posed with the question “would you kill a snake if you know it was harmless” with a solid “no,” albeit a tad hesitant. So, I did a bit of thinking. What causes person to fear these reptiles? My first thought was a traumatic experience, maybe. If perhaps in a person’s childhood they had encountered a rattlesnake, and had gotten bitten. While it is still possible that they survived, the experience would still be seared into their brain forever.
But, say that a person grew up in an apartment. No encounter with snakes except possibly at a zoo, safely guarded by glass. With no reason to actually fear them, why do they still cringe away? If I had a guess, I’d say that it could be a number of different things. It could be a fact of religion. The modern Christian religion uses snakes as a symbol for the Devil. But there has to be more to it than that. It could be a deep, instinctual fear. As stated previously, it could be that desire to pass on your genes. This would run deep into the past, before common medicines were made as antidotes to snake venom. Or even just a way to get it out by sucking on the wound. “Ssssss,” said sophomore Maria Knutson
I, myself, like snakes. If I knew that it wouldn’t hurt me, I would keep it as a pet if I could. So I just don’t understand why people could look at one and think “eww.” I’m not sure why I like them as much as I do. But either way, snake lovers are rare to find.
Confessions of a warped snake handler
Now, everyone on your block is scared of you. You, the serpent wielder. A master of darkness and evil. Treat yourself, make some ramen noodles. Because you have come to realize that there is very little to worry about when it comes to the average house snake. These mere mortals are afraid of a snake, for no reason.
Snakes are great. They are amazing, and they are wonderful. Who wouldn’t want to be the family member who never has family gatherings at their house because everyone is scared of the pet? It’s great! And no one will ask you for pictures of your pet, as everyone knows that they will be frightened.
They may taste like chicken, but they feel like a hard rock out of the desert. Mmm, snake soup is a very cultured dish that will never fail to impress your boss! Just make sure that you keep the venom out of your soup, no matter how badly you want to replace him.
But probably the best thing about snakes is that when you take them out for a walk, you can leave the poop bag at home! And no one will be the slow walker in front of you, as they all have decided to walk on the other side of the road. Just wrap your adorable little noodle around your neck and you could part people like Moses did with the Red Sea. Just make sure it’s not a constrictor type snake, or you might not make it home in time to take that raspberry pie out of the oven.
I could go on and on about the wonders of the common noodle, but I’ll save you the pain. Just get one, and you’ll see how truly great these reptiles are.