I want to be a Victoria’s Secret model. But, ¨no, you don’t all those girls need to stay skinny and have big chests and big butts, yet they starve themselves¨.
I can do that; I’ll get belly fat removed. I was eight years old. I wanted my belly fat removed at eight years old because I was fat. I was overweight, and I knew that. I knew that because people told me repeatedly. They said I was fat no matter what I wore, no matter how hard I tried.
I always buy shirts that are two sizes too big for me. That way, no one can see my stomach fat. I like layers, more clothes to see, less body to see. Jewelry distracts the eyes. I change my outfit six times before I leave the house. People think it’s because I’m a girl. That’s just what girls do. We always take too long.
The first outfit shows my hip dips.
The second one shows my fat arms.
The third one shows my ample thighs.
No outfit is ever flattering enough. No outfit ever makes my body look the way I want it to look. So, of course, it takes too long.
Too fat.
Too skinny.
Too tall.
Too short.
Staring at the mirror, phrases like these come to mind no matter what I put on; I’ll never be good enough. They contradict each other. One day I’m too fat, and the next, I’m too skinny.
No matter what, people have always judged me. Some guys say I look fat, and some girls say I look like a whore. Judgment is deeply rooted in our society like a 100-year-old tree. We judge everyone, silently or out loud.
Judgment kills people’s beliefs.
Judgment kills what people like.
Judgment kills people’s personalities.
Judgment kills their voice.
Maybe I should stop eating? A couple of months couldn’t hurt.
Maybe I should work out? A couple of thousand miles couldn’t hurt.
Maybe I should just be better, I mean come on, all those pretty Instagram models can do it. Why can’t I?
Because it’s all fake, it’s all people trying to make them feel better than others. They compare themselves and decide the other people’s worth. There is always going to be judgment from everyone around you. No matter how much you try, it can’t be stopped. If your body offends someone, that’s their problem.
Wear what you want.
Like what you want, love who you want.
Just be happy and ignore them. It’s not their job to decide your worth in the world.