Why Am I Not Good Enough

I try my hardest to fit in 

But it never works

I always feel I’m left out

And when I’m around them I feel I have to lie

I’m always kind 

And tell them what’s on my mind

But still, they talk behind my back

Why am I not good enough?

They tell me I try too hard

And no one likes you

Can’t you just be normal they say

They say rude stuff to me

But I try to act as if it doesn’t hurt

Why am I not good enough?

I was never anything but nice to everyone

I Relied on all the voices to be perfect

But I got so much hate

So many comments

These comments changed me

I had so much confidence 

So much positivity

But that left when those haters came

Why am I not good enough?

I began to think terrible thoughts of myself

I tried to think of the good 

But it never happened

I try to be liked 

But somehow it always fails

I try to fit their prototype 

But I always crave food

I try to ignore the comments

But I hear it in the back of my mind

Why am I not good enough?

After every comment about my body, I found one more

My hair is too short

My thighs are too big

My arms are ugly and bumpy

Love yourself self my family and friends say

But how could I when I look this way

Word after word driven into my head

Why won’t they go away

Friend after friend began to leave

What have I done wrong

Why am I not good enough?

No one understands

But how could they don’t look this way

I just want to be normal

I just want to fit in

Oh god why have you made me this way

Can’t I just be like everyone else

Why am I not good enough?

I hate myself for the way I think

But these words and comments have been driven so deep 

Quit trying to seek attention and being dramatic they say

Oh can’t you see I’m not it’s pain

And that pain turns into hurt

And that hurt turns into agony

Why am I not good enough?

Then I heard voices

A different kind of voices

More beautiful and kind voices 

Was it family or was it friends

Maybe it was only one or maybe even both

But those voices are the ones that helped me 

I began to think I am beautiful the way I am

I am good enough!

 I don’t need to try so hard to fit in

I don’t need to be so kind

To those who aren’t

I don’t need to tell them what is on my mind

Because they have no right to know

I don’t try too hard 

I just care too much

I am good enough!

People do like me

It’s just them who don’t like me

I am normal 

Just not how they want me to be

Why listen to the comments and words

They mean nothing to me

I am good enough!

I was always nice

But why be nice to those who don’t deserve it

Comments are just words

They don’t mean anything unless you make them

You cant let them define you

They don’t deserve to take my positivity or kindness

That is something that I will always have no matter what

And something they will never be able to take again

I am good enough!

Why let those terrible people get the best of me

They don’t mean anything to me

There is always good

I was just looking in the wrong places

Why should I try so hard to be liked by everyone 

When they don’t deserve me and my positivity

Why should I try so hard to fit their prototype

Everyone is different and that’s how it should be

Stop listening to their comments

They are nonsense I began to believe

I am good enough!

I love my hair the way that it is

My thighs aren’t too big

They just have muscle in them

My arms are not ugly

Nor bumpy

It’s all in my head

Oh family and friends I do love myself

I finally understand that you understand

As I began to realize I am perfect the way I am

I could feel each and every comment leave

And the weight leave my shoulders

Those friends who left weren’t friends

My true friends are those who help me cope with it

I came to believe that I had done nothing wrong

I am good enough!

My friends and family understand

They may not have gone through it but know it hurts

I do fit in

I was just with the wrong crowd

Oh god I thank you for creating me the way I am

I am not like others and that is how it should be

I still hate myself for the way I thought

But I understand now that I am wonderful the way that I am

I hope they realized that I was not seeking attention

It was a cry for help that finally came

I was in pain, agony, and hurt

But that eventually left with the help of others

I am good enough

I can’t fathom to explain the Relief that was taken away

My life right now is great

I don’t talk to those haters 

No matter how hard they try to talk to me

I have a great friend group of those who stayed by my side

And those who left aren’t in my life

I noticed every now and then my friends check up on 

Just making sure that I am still okay

My family would do the same

But one family stuck out from the crowd

My mother

My mother was my biggest helper

She was right by my side the whole time

For every hateful comment 

She always had a better outlook of the things they said

I will always remember the kindness she gave to me

And I one day I hope to return the favor

I am good enough!

I realized I spent way too much time listening to others

Why should I listen to them when they don’t know anything about me

And how I should be

I spent too much of my joy and happiness

On those terrible people

There were three things that I learned through this hard time

One to not put all that heavy pressure of being perfect on me

Two I will never be good enough for these people and that is okay

As long as i believe that i am good enough

And the third one was through these positive voices 

The one I believe that I learned that was the most  important 

What may that be 

All you need to know is that it is something very important to me

I am good enough will always be good enough and don’t need people to tell me otherwise